I never identified as an alcoholic.
I wasn’t drinking in the mornings.
I wasn’t out of control.
But I was quietly stuck in a grey area with alcohol.

For years, I drank on and off—sometimes more, sometimes less—but wine became my go-to for everything.
Celebrating? Wine.
Stressed? Wine.
Bored, lonely, overwhelmed, happy? Yep, still wine.

By the time I turned 50 in 2019 (it was a full-on boozy festival of 50—but that’s another story), I was drinking a bottle of wine every night—sometimes more.

And it started to show up in ways I couldn’t ignore:

• Mid-afternoon alcohol cravings that had me watching the clock until 5pm.

• Skipping morning workouts because I was foggy and tired.

• Visiting different bottle shops so I wouldn’t look like a regular.

• Waking at 2am with anxiety, shame, dehydration… and hot flushes.

• Forgetting conversations—or worse, wondering if I’d started an argument with my husband.

I hated that cycle.
I hated how much mental energy alcohol was consuming.
And I hated how much I hated myself the next morning.

But I was also scared.
Alcohol had been a part of my lifestyle, my identity, my normal.
It felt like a best friend I wasn’t ready to break up with.

Still… something had to change.

So I started small.
I got support.
I learned what grey area drinking really is—and that I wasn’t alone.
I discovered that freedom from alcohol doesn’t mean perfection. It means peace.

No more future-tripping or putting pressure on myself. Just one step at a time.

Today, my mornings are clear and calm.
I no longer dread the 2am wake-ups (they’re gone—along with the hot flushes… note to self: menopause and alcohol don’t mix).
I’ve got my sparkle back—and it’s not from a glass.

If you’re a midlife woman quietly questioning your relationship with alcohol, I want you to know: you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone. 

This isn’t about labels or rock bottoms.
It’s about reclaiming your peace, your energy, your self.

If my story resonates—even just a little—please know that freedom is possible for you too.

More soon,
With so much love,
Belinda